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Even More Cat Humor!

Top Ten Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password

10. E-Mail flames from some guy named Fluffy.

9. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.

8. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgoups like alt.recreational.catnip.

7. Your web browser has a new home page: http://www.feline.com/.

6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna.

5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of "CyberDog".

4 Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.

3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.

2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.

And the number one sign your cat has learned your internet password....

1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

Politcally Correct "Kitty Speak"

In this day of enlightened sensibilites, kitties are speaking out about how THEY would like to be looked at:

I'm not aloof.
I am Hominoidally Unimpressed

I don't shed.
I develop Follicle Abdication

I don't scratch.
I cause temporary hemoglobin displacement.

I don't purr.
I am aurally appreciative.

I am not indifferent.
I am Dispassionately Neutral.

I'm not small.
I am Corpus Compactus.

I am not fat.
I have a Distended Cat Food Storage Facility.

I am not asleep.
I am temporarily inert.

I don't chase mice.
I am Rodent Defiant.

I am not fussy.
I become a Fastidious Feline

I am not hungry.
I suffer from Craving Derangement Disorder

I'm not fixed.
I am Romantically Inaccessible.

The Top 16 Signs Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You

16> Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
15> Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on
your bill.
14> He actually *does* have your tongue.
13> You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
12> Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
11> You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
10> As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get
a faint whiff of catnip.
9> Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
8> Catch him with a new Mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew
looking at me? Mew looking at me?"
7> Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
6> You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a
mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on
your bed.
5> Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
4> Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
3> Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
2> You find a piece of paper labeled "
MY WIL" which says "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."
1> Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines..